Sunday, November 16, 2008

Ways to entertain a passenger

I think we all have standard jokes we tell, I certainly do. Over the years, I've discovered that passengers usually like to be entertained, good stories are always good. I've also found that stories like Fish, Boomtown, and Mario, I can't tell. The anger never leaves some stories, so if there's question in my mind, I ask for a critique from a few passengers, and if they tell me I still sound like I'm mad about it, I can't tell that story.

I have a dirtiest joke. It's too X rated for here, inspite of the fact that there is only 1 four letter word in it, and that word is only shit. The girl who told it to me as a dorm resident from Ogg hall, she told me it was the dirtiest, and she was right.

I have a most told joke. Why do they make 3 different size packages of condoms? The 3 packs are for HS students, 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, 1 for Sunday. The 6 packs are for college students, 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday.... The 12 packs are for married people, 1 for January, 1 for.....

When I was recovering from the event described in the post titled Wild Ride, I had to tell the story over and over. The guy I talk to once a month, who tells me I'm not a lunatic, says that's a highly recommended therapy for a really traumatic event. I'd always claimed that no one had ever robbed me, never even tried before. Then as I told the story over and over, I came to recall that not only had someone attempted to rob me at knifepoint before, it as the third time. Further reflection caused me to recall 2 more confrontations where a knife was pulled, and all of a sudden I had 5 knife stories. I got good at telling the 5 knife stories, and people tip really well after hearing them. I have had a few people accuse me of being brave, nope, I'm a coward, I tell them courage isn't part of the equation. Courage is something I've never had. At the end of my last ride of the weekend, 2 fares had listened to the first 4 knife stories, and tips were close to $15.00 for the stories. A little secret: If I can see the knife, I say to myself, "If the guy was going to cut me, I'd already be cut, he wouldn't be showing me his knife."

Something I'd never noticed in all these years is, college kids like wise cracks. Seems kind of obvious doesn't it? Perhaps, I've simply always assumed that everyone has heard all the standard wise cracks. When the fourth girl from 1 group got in, I said, "We're off like a herd of turtles." God, they loved that and asked if I had more. I couldn't think of any off the top of my head, but given the right prompting, it's amazing what you think of to say. I had these 4 people get in at a million dollar house in The Bluff, rich people. The fat cat in the front seat constantly messed with me, all the way downtown. When I turned onto Hamilton, and the capital came in view, he seriously confided to me, "Oh, by the way, your company is paying for this ride." I'd had about enough of him all ready, and normally I wouldn't say something like this to a passenger, but I told him he was as full of bull shit as a Christmas goose. He loved it. The girls from Friday night would have loved it too. It just made it into my act.


taxitalk said...

got any sword stories? meth head with sword, it came from nowhere, aaaaa canadians don't use guns too often restrictions, here we shank

Real cab driver said...

Yes I do actually, glad you made me recall it. In April of '92 a skinhead, age 16, shot my best friend 3 times and killed him one night. I'd taken that same kid home one night a few weeks earlier and when we got there he didn't have any money. I of course asked for collateral. He went in the house and came out with a short Japanese sameri sword, you know the kind that has a pull apart wood built in case. I later sold it to the buy and sell shop for 10 bucks. There's your sword story.

Victoria Von Swarovski said...

Haha testosterone poisoning.
I wonder if I have estrogen poisoning?
That's a good excuse.
And for the record, I like taxis. Just not the one my work picked for us.