Thursday, November 13, 2008

Clam

Clam is back in Paris. He got involved with this woman who wanted to live there, moved there, and only came back once. He was back for a year or 2, a few years back. Back long enough to paint some Madison landscapes, one of which graces the wall in Roy Boy's office.

When I first started driving, I didn't understand the nick name thing. The reason we have nick names is because you're not supposed to address people with their actual name over the radio. Thus it's ok to address Clam as what ever number he's driving, or as Clam, but not as Tom. Like all rules, there are some exceptions, and some of those exceptions are all the time, but the way you're supposed to do it is stick a nick name on that driver. Over 20 years ago, Clam was the lead singer in a group called the Clams. It was J. Crudley Do-Right who explained to me about nick names and Clam's nick name in particular. I wonder what J. Crudley is doing these days........

When Clam was doing his cameo driving I was telling him about the little war I have going with the guy who is argueably the sleazist driver of all time. The first time I ever met that driver, I'd been away driving truck for a couple of years, and he didn't know who I was. Mr. Sleaze, HEY that's his new name!!!! I can put him in the blog now!!!! Mr. Sleaze and I had this little conflict going, which had been on going for years. He was actually mad enough that he came up to my cab at the end of a shift and kicked it in the back lot once. None of us like Mr. Sleaze. I asked Clam for suggestions as to how to raise Mr. Sleaze's blood pressure and get him as angry as possible. Clam said, "Try blowing him a kiss."

It had been about a year when I finally got the chance to blow Mr. Sleaze a kiss. We were on Observatory, we both had to stop at the 4 way stop at Elm and Observatory. As we started up and passed each other, I was west bound, he east, I blew Mr. Sleaze a kiss in the middle of the intersection. He had deliverys in, and a delivery to pick east of where he was, but he did a U turn in the middle of the street and started following me. I'd watch him in the rear view mirror, and he was constantly motioning me with the index finger on his right hand to come to him. He wanted me to pull over so we could get into a fist fight. He's done crazy stuff like that before. I had a delivery to pick out by Hilldale. I let him follow me to about Farley and University.

At this point, I keyed the mike and said to the diapatcher, "Hey, J. D. Guess what Mr. Sleaze is doing?"

J. D. came back with, "Do tell, what is he doing?"

"Well, he's following me, trying to motion me to pull over. I think he wants to kill me, but you'll have to ask him what his intentions are. I have a call to pick by Hilldale, and he has deliverys in and a call to pick east of here, but he's westbound on University now, following me."

Over the radio came J. D.'s voice, "Ah, Mr. Sleaze, you're where do what?"

A minute later, "Mr. Sleaze, I'm told you're westbound on University with calls to get right now. As I pick through the delivery stack, I find that to be true. I strongly suggest you get about your business, or I'm going to take your calls back." At this point, Mr. Sleaze broke off from following me, and I assume he continued his day.

A dispatcher I'm going to call Turd (I'll tell that story later, it's cute), later told me that he was in the office when Roy Boy called in Mr. Sleaze and asked him to explain himself. Mr. Sleaze, who is a grand master of lying, was stammering and trying to lie to Roy Boy and tell him that he was never on my tail, west bound on University with calls going east bound to get. Turd said it was absolutely hysterical. Roy of course, had checked back through the stacks so he knew what I was doing, supposed to do, what Sleaze was doing, what he was supposed to do, and he was really making the guy grovel, while everyone in the office, and everyone coming and going was guffawing out loud.

I was proud of the fact that Sleaze hated me so much. I wonder if he still has me at the top of his list of people he'd like to kill. There are just some people you simply MUST piss off, gotta do it, it's the way the cosmos works.

3 comments:

In_spired said...

"I'm trying to compile all the material I will need to write a book."

SO! You really are working toward a book! Good for you...and, believe me...your mom knows!!

taxitalk said...

University of Wisconsin, I lived in green bay, went to UWGB, Wisconsin home of the biggest amphetamine prescription I ever had, one of the reason I ended up a taxi driver, Hows America doing, gotta love Obama

Real cab driver said...

I saw Clam on Friday night. This oldish looking guy gets in the cab and the voice sounded familiar. So I asked him if he'd ever driven a Badger Cab, he said he had. Then I asked him if he'd ever played music with a group called The Clams, he said he had.

"Hi Tom, how have you been. It's good to see you. When did you return to the US from Paris?"