Monday, February 15, 2010

Make my day

I had some of the most obnoxious passengers I've ever had in my cab over the weekend.

Friday night these 2 sweet little faggots get in the cab going to Plan B. Actually, I shouldn't say that. One of them was rail thin, gestured with a limp wrist, and spoke that whiny nelly dialect of fag. The other was a tough guy, hair cut in a mohawk. They were young, and 2 other folks got in going to a different destination. Less than 2 blocks into the ride, the kid with the mohawk says, "I think it's really going to stink in here in a minute. I just farted, ha ha, about a week ago I emptied 12 guys out of the kitchen at a gay mens party, ha ha."

So I rolled down the windows, and it really did stink. The other passengers agreed it really stunk, and the guy said, he might have to fart again ha ha before we got to the bar. So I left the windows down. The whiny one complained that he was cold. I said something about the guy shitting himself in my cab so the windows would stay down. So the tough guy pulled out his cell phone and called (really foul mouth) and told the dispatcher to order me to roll up the windows. I pointed out that I'd turned the radio off at that point.

Just like so many obnoxious bastards before him, he was going to have me fired by 9 am Monday morning. Then when we got a block from the bar, he said he wasn't going to pay. I forgot that I have cop doors in the back seat, most cabs they turn that feature off in, but if I lock them, they can't unlock them. I went to do a fast Uturn through a gas station and he had the door open and was trying to leap. He did leap, and I grabbed the whiny ones coat. He's going to kick my ass. "I'm going to kick you ass old man."

"Son, you're not going to kick anybody's ass."

At moments like that it's real tempting to get out and show him how pathetic his skills are, but he'd keep getting up until I did something to keep him down, and for doing that the cops would take me to jail.

I had these 2 slick little putz's from Long Island who said take us to Majestic, then when we got there, their friends weren't there so they started this, no we said Orphiem crap. It wasn't worth a confrontation, but I did tell the little putz that paid that he'd never get in my cab again, and I will call him a putz to his face if he ever tries. I took a long look at him before I gave change to memorize his pudgy face and dimensions.

And finally, drum roll please, I had the 2 pair from the tittie bar between Middleton and Cross Plains going to campus. 2 guys, and 2 girls, all 4 went to look at the girls. So the guy who's in the back seat, starts asking the woman in the middle for a blow job. Normally you hear something like shut the fuck up, or stone silence, but she was handling it. So I let her handle it. About 3 miles into the ride she's getting fed up with it, and I tell the guy to shut up, now he's going to kick my ass. So I lock the back seat doors. Lady in the middle seat says kick him out, I say I've got a better idea. My plan is to take him to State st., find a cop, and he can spend the weekend in jail for sexual assault, and disorderly. Ladies don't want to be in that police report, so they say they'll drop it if their cab fare is paid, so I make the guy who hasn't done anything pay for him and his room mates ride, and pay for the ladies ride. Expensive trip to the titty bar.

I take the ladies to close to where they live and they say let us out at Dayton and Mills, so I did. Mr. Mouth gets out too. Guy who paid says take me home. I get most of a single block and he says, "I have to get out. I have to make sure he doesn't do anything bad."

How did that turn out? Who knows, who cares. What fun, right?

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